AUTO INSURANCE QUOTES: A KID AND THE CHURCH MINISTER

Friday, February 11, 2011

A KID AND THE CHURCH MINISTER

A 5- year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa's gone to heaven?" Grandma replied,

"Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend !" The minister fainted. ha...ha...ha....

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THE RESTUARANT BOUNCERAND THEIR COSTUMER

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua . The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman Pinscher says,
" You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye- dog." The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too." The man at the door says, "Come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

FUNNY PRAYER OF A LITTLE BOY

We had visitors at dinner time. It was time for them to leave when our daughter Maureen offered to lead us in prayer; "Dear God, I thank you for giving me such lovable parents, Thank you for the visitors and their children who ate all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so that they shall never have to come to our home for supper.
Forgive the boy who was wrestling with my sister on her bed and this naughty girl for eating sausage on my brother's pants as he slept on the settee, and this winter please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies in Daddy's Cell phone, & build shelter to the homeless men who sleep with mum when dad is at work .....Amen."

THE FLORIDA'S COACH JUST LAUGH

After Florida coach Steve Spurrior passes away and enters the Pearly Gates , God takes him on a tour. He shows Steve a little 2- bedroom house with a faded UF banner hanging from the front porch. "
This is your home, Coach. Most people don't get their own house up here," God exclaims. Little Steve looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on the top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all of the windows. LSU flags line both sides of the sidewalk with a huge purple and gold LSU banner hanging between the marble columns. "Thanks for the home, God, but let me ask you a question. I get this little 2 bedroom house with a faded Florida banner, and Nick Saban gets a mansion with new LSU banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment and then replies, "That's not Saban’s house, that's mine!!!!!"

WISE SPEECH

MY FRIENDS NEED TO KNOW THIS JUST READ

1. The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way. This simple and profound intimacy is the love that we all long for. 2. Love is the fulfillment of all our works. There is the goal; that is why we run: we run towards it, and once we reach it, in it we shall find rest. 3. Don't compare your path with anybody's else's. Your path is unique to you. What ever path you take, it's God calling you. 4. Lets be grateful to people who makes us happy; They are the charming gardeners who makes our soul blossom. 5. There isn't any formula or method, you learn to love by loving. 6. Those who love deeply never grow old: They may die of old age, but the die young. 7. Love is infallible, it has no errors, for all errors are the want of love.

canibal capture three men (JUST LAUGH}

men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"HAHA HA

DR. SMITH THE DOCTORIAL PSYCHOLOGY

MEN AND WOMEN JOKE (JUST LUAGH

)

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started
back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,

Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief,
but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before.

HE ASK
For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."HAHAHA

WHEN DADDY WAS IN THE ARMY

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. “MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND…” Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her.
“I was at the playground and I saw Daddy ’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…
” At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “ Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy ’s face when you tell it tonight.” At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “ then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army. Haha ....HAHA

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Friday, February 11, 2011

A KID AND THE CHURCH MINISTER

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THE RESTUARANT BOUNCERAND THEIR COSTUMER

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